
Beautiful bride, Anna, sent some images along the sweetest, smartest letter that I've ever received a few weeks back. It's taken me some time to post about this because I couldn't get through the letter-I kept tearing up before classes!
I love that she compares fitness with marriage and giving everything you've got...So true! Read this whether you're about to step into the white dress or not...It resonates with all of us! Thank you, Anna.
Dramatic though it may be, I think I can divide my life into two parts. Before Lithe and After Lithe.
In August of 2009, when I first started "lithing", my wedding and my life...were all about my thighs and my butt. And my stomach. I think to some extent my life had always been about my thighs and my butt and my stomach. Sigh. I think that was biologically passed down to me. Oh so many women in my life are their own worst enemies.
The pressure of a white dress, however, sort of exploded the issue into giant size.
I had ordered a beautiful wedding dress that - to my horror - did not fit when it was delivered (well, technically it fit, but I felt like a stuffed sausage and I could tell from the expressions on other's faces that this "would not do") and I was suddenly in the middle of the deep self-loathing wedding-induced vortex. Wonderful. The sales-woman told me to wipe my tears and that all would be well if I could just lose nine pounds from my inner thighs.
Nine pounds? Really? Fine. I'd do it. So, I called my best friends and asked them how I could do this. They told me I was crazy. And they told me that the sales-woman (more importantly) was crazy. But I persisted. And believed I was not crazy, just a failure. A big, sausagey, bridal failure. And (women being the eternal problem solvers that we are) my mother suggested I start pilates. I was new to Philly. I did a quick google search and found something called Lithe. It was only three blocks from my apartment. It would do.
I bought a private lesson, an immersion sequence, I said a little prayer...and I hoped for the best.
Now, almost two months married - and six months into "Lithing" - when I think of my wedding, I think of Lithe. Really. And not in the way I thought I would. Admittedly, yes, I think of the change in my body. I think of the inches lost. I think of the shake in my legs and the burning in my abs. And how I walk a little taller.
But, in all honesty, my time at your studio isn't really about my thighs or my tush. But it became something so much more potent than a critical focus on my 'rolls'.
The instructors, the community, and the environment at Lithe helped me to finally drop into what this wedding and this marriage were really about: for me, marrying Dan wasn't really about becoming a bride, or a wife, or a perfect fit into a dress, or a half to complete someone else's missing half...It was about entering into a partnership as a whole and centered human being. It was about truth and health and integrity and love (for him, and for me). And it was about hard work, and the beauty that comes out of giving something everything you've got. Lithe taught me so much about how to be prepared for marriage.
My path to "whole and centered human being" has been long (almost thirty years long) and it is far from over. I imagine I am on this road for life. But I can say that I know for sure that Lithe carried me so remarkably far down that road towards a sublime bend in the road.
And here I thought I was just signing up for "pilates."
As a kid, I never made Varsity sports. I was embarrassed to change in a locker room. I was kicked out of my ballet company at age 14 for being too chubby. I have spent decades hating, dreading, and fearing this body of mine. I have played with diets, and baggy clothes, and a constantly rotating schedule of clothing to accommodate whatever weight my body rebelled and stayed at for that particular time period. I have spent too much time wishing my body could disappear. And I have spent too much time being angry with myself for never being able to keep up when I would try to 'conquer' it.
And then - then came Lithe. And my body and I became friends. Fast friends, actually. Communicating, supportive, healthy friends. Sometimes we're not best friends (indeed, sometimes we're mad at each other). But such is life. Such is (dare I even say) marriage! But I have held my body's hand and pledged partnership with her and told her I won't back out and that I will be here to be her support, to take care of her, and to try and try and try again. Yes, to try again even when you say "one more set" and I feel like I gave you my "last set" weeks ago at on the mat. So, I guess - to borrow from you "I'm in it." And I am so glad. Looking forward to many more years of Lithe!
With all of my sincere gratitude and love, Anna
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