I Like Big Butts, and I Cannot Lie!
As much as I abhor the song, I can’t deny that Sir Mix-A-Lot was a man way ahead of his time. In 1992, long before J.Lo stepped onto the red carpet in her infamous green Versace dress and wowed the world with her assets, and single handedly ushered in the era of the booty, he was singing its praises. Literally.
And the parade of voluptuous behinds has been marching on ever since. The torch has been passed from Ms. Lopez to Beyonce to Kim Kardashian and most recently to Pippa Middleton. The entire world was captivated by her hiny when she followed her sister down the aisle in her amazing curve-hugging Alexander McQueen dress. Now, let’s be honest, how bummed (pun intended) is Kate that her sister’s BUTT stole the show at her wedding?? Kate wears the classic Grace Kelly gown, marries the prince, but her sister’s tuckus is what people are writing home about? Dayum.
If that’s not a testament to the power of the booty, perhaps the padded underwear spawned by Pippa’s derriere is. That’s right. You can buy and slip on Pippa’s rear for a mere 24 bucks! It really shows what a badonkadonk worshipping culture we’ve become. I can’t say that I’m upset about it. In fact, I couldn't’ be happier. I’ve had a giant butt since I had a butt. Seriously. My baby pictures? Giant butt.
My behind has been a running joke with my girlfriends for years. From dragging me onto the dance floor every time that god-awful song comes on and pointing at my butt whilst rapping the lyrics (now you know why I hate it so much) to nicknaming it a WMD (weapon of mass distraction), my butt has been a source of much conversation and actually some angst for me.
Buying jeans? Forget it. I envy my friends that can just shop for jeans on line. I have to devote a day to trying on stacks and stacks of different styles to find the right denim for my derriere. And form fitting dresses? Forget it. I can make anything slightly tight and demure look like I’m about to dance in the background of a music video just because of my butt! I’ve long considered my booty-blessing more of a curse, despite the fact that it’s become cool and trendy to be maximus in the gluteus.
Since I started lithing, my butt has finally reached it’s full potential! All of the squats and lunges and fold over seat work and the killer butt-work we do on the mat, has taken my god given asset and really shaped into something entirely new. Recently, while changing into pjs in front of my sister, she shrieked and pointed at my butt. And not for the reasons she used to (sheer shock at the size), but because she couldn’t believe how lifted and firm it’s become. She even marched me out to show my mom, at which point they both started copping a feel to confirm what they were seeing (they’re strange people). Still not over it, my sister asked me to drop trow again when our girlfriends came over (I happily obliged, duh.) Because for the first time in a long time, I’m proud of my booty. And I’m not alone. This is a Lithe Booty.
I look around the studio and see behinds every where that would make the tabloids scoff at the apple-bottomed Brit they can’t seem to get enough of. I’ve watched as a close girlfriend, and fellow Lither has gone from constantly lamenting her tiny hiny to standing in front of the mirror in awe at the booty she’s sculpted for herself from the very butt she had written off as lost cause.
I guess some would say that the easier, less sweaty solution would be to pay 24 bucks for a slip on version of someone’s else’s bum, but I say why bother when we each have our own to work with. One, that with a little help from Lithe, can be shaped and lifted into something pretty incredible. Besides, you never have to throw a Lithe booty into the wash when you’re done wearing it. Nor do you have to explain to your significant other why your butt is hanging on the lampshade. The Lithe booty is permanently attached, and won’t wear or tear over time. Viva la Lithe booty!
See you in class!