ME ON MONDAY (THE BOUNCE-BACK MYTH). 9 Jul 2012

Over the past few weeks many of you have been stopping me at the studios, chatting with me post-class or via email and telling me how good I look and how you love that I've lost my baby weight in a really healthy way. Thank you!  It feels really good to hear; It hasn't been an easy road for me, and I'm loving that I can push through my workouts again post-surgery. 

My weight loss has been slow, steady and healthy.  I gained almost 30 pounds during my (almost 42 week!) pregnancy and I have five pounds left to go.  Guess what?  Mars is 11 months old.  That slow and steady pace is "unheard of" nowadays, but it's totally average and very normal.  The media-driven, 6-8 week baby bounce back is unrealistic and insulting.  Don't believe the hype. Real change takes time.  

Just like nobody talks about the trouble that it takes some people to become pregnant and what really happens to your body during pregnancy, nobody talks about how long it takes to get back to you, post-baby.  After you have a baby everything changes:  your body, your sex drive, your sex life and the way that you feel about yourself. It takes a while to get back to you. 

We see women in the media bouncing right back into their clothes, their jobs, their lives.  Did you know that it takes the average woman 409 DAYS to get their figure and their sex drive back?  Something to think about, ladies.  I admit that I even fell into the media pressure trap.  For the first 6-7 months after I had Mars I thought my metabolism had shut down.  I honestly thought something was wrong with me.  I mean, Selma Blair had her baby two weeks after I had Mars and she was back in her Skinny J-Brands in late August!?!  What?  How??

Being that I had Mars 11 months ago and I'm still not back to my pre-baby body or back in some of my clothes among other things (sex is often not on my radar after a long day), I feel like we should not be so hard on ourselves.  I know that many of you feel the same way as you try to balance it all (and get some sleep!).  Even a few of my girlfriends who did bounce back relatively quickly (weight-wise), admit that their bodies are completely different now. 

Check out my body in the above montage over the past 21 months: pre-pregnancy, 3 months post-natal (nursing, exhausted and very out of sorts), 29 weeks pregnant and 10 months post-natal. This is REALITY.  

How do you guys feel about the pressure that the media places on women to bounce back quickly after giving birth?  I'll be writing a follow up after I hear some of your thoughts!

Comments

[Anna W.]

AMEN. And thank you.

[Nisha]

Its hard not to fall into the media trap of trying to get back to our pre-baby body. I remember after I had my third at 40, I had an acquaintance of mine call me 'boomerang' - it was flattering at the time, 2 months after my baby was born, but I knew my reality, and that was I was going to start gaining weight because I always did while I was nursing. And here I am three years later, still trying to lose that 'baby weight', because I have now entered that perimenopause cycle in my life. Before Lithe, I was resigned to the fact that I might just be like this for the rest of my life. But Lithe, and especially you, Lauren, have showed me that it does take time, and that its okay if it takes time as long as you are willing to accept your own reality. Its amazing to find a community of women in Lithe that appreciate each others' reality, from the variety of instructors, to each and every person who takes Lithe classes. I find inspiration in each and every one of them.

[Betty]

Lauren, you are amazing AND gorgeous :). Thanks for sharing.

[Tif]

I'm totally with you Lauren, as much as everyone thought I lost my baby weight soon after Tosh was born, I know that I didn't but tried not to complain and appreciate the compliment. Tosh just turned one and I'm "almost" there but still wonder if my body will ever be the same. Losing 5lbs was so much easier when it wasn't babyweight which I don't understand but have learned to accept.

[Lindsay]

My issue with body after baby & the media is that it's not always just about the weight. I lost all 40+ pounds of my pregnancy weight in about 4 months, and I am on paper a very healthy, fit weight. That said, I will never be able to wear a bikini ever again. My belly was SO stretched out from pregnancy that I have a square-bottomed, flabby, stretched out stomach that no amount of exercise will ever correct. I either have to get comfortable with it, or have surgery. It really hurts when everything is so focused on "get back in a bikini!". The number on the scale says I should look great in one, but the reality is, I do not. Every "look at real women!" type of ad campaign (Self mag, Dove Beauty, etc) NEVER has a single woman who looks like me, even though I know I'm not the only one. It's disheartening.

[Nicole]

I love this! Thank you for sharing! I only wish I was closer to one of your gyms!

[maria]

My baby is almost 8 months old, and I truly thought my body would just go back to the way it was pretty quickly. My body has always been reliably the same size, no matter what I do. But NO! And now, I am so often nursing, getting baby to nap, changing diapers, strolling and tired and just don't have the resources to get help to grocery shop, much less plan meals and cook well. So, I stressed about it and believed the celebrity publicity, and have been really upset that my clothes don't fit any longer.
Then around 6 months post-partum I started back with Lithe, once a week or whenever I could fit it in, and now I feel so much stronger, and hopeful that one day I will lose my baby belly. Plus I accepted that, at 42, things were going to take longer than someone who had their first baby at a younger age.
So thanks for giving me inspiration and hope! (and for kicking my butt during Skinny Jeans today)

[Maggie S-R]

I did not start Lithing until four months after I had my first baby. Now, just three months into Lithe, I often find myself thinking with real gratitude "Wait, I get to have THIS (my gorgeous baby) and THIS (my getting-stronger-by-the-day body)? I am the luckiest lady in the world." I haven't bounced back, I've bounced better. Thanks, Lithe! :)

[Sandy]

Still working on bouncing back and my baby is 14 (that's years not months).

[Trish Morfitt]

OHHHH LOVE! Thanks for posting this! I am 9 months PP with #2, and started a solid 25 lbs overweight. I'm now down 45 lbs thanks to a HUGE shift in my nutrition and fitness mentality that took spending some $$ and becoming a coach with Beachbody to complete.
I am still about 15 lbs over where I'd like to be, but I know the slow and steady route I'm taking will pay off in the long run!

[Holly]

I haven't had a baby so I can't completely relate to how your body changes or the fight to regain the pre-baby abs. I have worked with plenty of athletes and friends to help them regain their muscle tone and endurance and have witnessed the constant battle they have with their bodies. What is so very noticeable in those photos is the post baby glow that is completely worth those five extra pounds (in my opinion at least). Thank you for the inspiration and honesty about an often silent fight women face post baby.

[Anna W.]

PS: I have to remind myself that sometimes the body knows best (despite my frustration with it) and won't let our mind's strong will and hard work decide when to change/how to shift. The body understands better than I ever can what I need. I am 11 months post-partum from a C-Section. I have been a 5x per week Lither since before pregnancy, took a class the day I delivered (really) and then was back 4-5x per week as soon as I got my 6 week clearance and have kept it up since then fitting in classes no matter how tired or hormonal I am. I eat mostly "clean", nursed my baby exclusively until he began solids and am active outside of Lithe, walking a ton each day. At 11 months out, I am healthy and getting stronger (and 5 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, having gained 27lbs during the pregnancy) but far from being able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing and I have a belly that (in my opinion) looks like a beginning pregnancy belly (maybe highlighted from how my c-section healed) and my body just looks totally different! My hips are still wider, my legs are bigger (and I am not guessing, I have my pre and post measurements)! My friend (10 months out) is skinnier than she has ever been, nurses exclusively, eats whatever she wants and doesn't exercise nor did she during pregnancy and is older than I am. Go figure. I am learning to trust the process and to buy a pair of jeans (or shorts in this weather) that fit rather than stare longingly at clothes that were fit for version of myself that I have outgrown. I really, really appreciate your honest take on this Lauren. You're an inspiration for all of us to take a closer look at ourselves. And...with these boys almost a year old, I must say we've come a long way!

[amanda]

Thanks for your honest chronicles, for what it is worth I think your pictures are beautiful every step of the way. It is refreshing to hear an honest take on not just the 'body bounce back' but how long it can take to really feel like 'you' again. I like Maggie's take on it--not just bouncing back but bouncing better. With those C-section scars comes character and authenticity that no one can replicate, fake or take away and that is beautiful in a way that blows airbrushing and celebrity out of the water.

A bit of a side bar: it is just as exhausting to hear the coverage of celebrity babies like parenting an infant is walk in the park ("delivery was a dream!" she's such a good sleeper!", "no food issues here!", "I'm doing all of this myself.") Similar to the 'bounce back myth' it paints a picture of early parenthood that is (I imagine) completely out of sync with the reality of many parents.

[Lynne]

I love this! I have always been 5'2 100 lbs until I had my four daughters. Now i'm 135 and lost an inch in my height but I feel great. I don't love to workout but I do it. I work out at least two times a week.

[Lauren Boggi Goldenberg]

I'm loving everyone's comments (thank you!). I'm in NYC right now but I CANNOT WAIT to write my follow up post about this topic.

[Jessica]

I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant, and I'm having a hard time with the changes in my body. I have several friends who were literally in their pre-pregnancy jeans within weeks of giving birth, and I feel like I'm already putting pressure on myself to do the same (although it's a totally unrealistic expectation). It's nice to see honest comments from real, strong, healthy lithe women. You're inspiring me to be more patient with and accepting of myself, both now during my pregnancy and after I deliver. Thank you!

[deborah]

Jessica, I am a mom 14 YEARS post-partum and I can tell you it can take a while. What I do recommend though is to continue taking care of yourself now and after your baby comes. I didn't for quite a few years and it makes it much harder. Continue to eat healthy,work out and get lots of sleep! Don't give in to the (unhealthy)cravings (most of the time). You won't regret it!

[a lithe mama admirer]

for whatever it's worth, lithe mamas: I'm not a mom nor am I anywhere close to being so, but I think there is nothing more admirable than seeing you in the studio, both before and after delivery.

Seeing an 8-month pregnant Tif blast through plyos like its a walk in the park, or that someone next to me doing curtsys 6 months in--well there's nothing like that to remind me that I can do this too and really shouldn't quit on that last set. It makes 1lb ankle weights look like cake! :)

Then I see you back around the studios after delivery and its a new kind of admiration: for keeping with it and taking care of yourself for a spare hour when you have a new full life and all you probably want to do is sleep.

I just wanted to let you know that these things are noticed, you're doing a great job, and I consider you my role models. Keep up the good work.

[Amy Hoffmann]

Lauren, thanks again for a great post. I am 4 1/2 months post-partum with my 1st baby. Sadly had to move from philly 3 months after delivery to texas, so I am going to miss getting to rehab my body with lithe :(- but I still check out this blog. I have completely felt for you Lauren to have to go through your post-partum period under the watchful eye of so many. You have that extra pressure of being a role model and having your body literally be your business. Sound intense.

As a life-long athlete/exerciser pregnancy and post has been different than expected. I thought I would be going hard up until delivery, but around 32 weeks musculoskeletal issues made me really take it down a notch (including dropping lithe). At 38 weeks I almost cried when my first stretch mark showed up. I stayed active until delivery, in fact my water broke at pre natal yoga, but I put on 40 pounds during pregnancy. Post partum has been the toughest though. For me I do want my figure back, but I truly miss being able to exercise and feel strong. Exercise has not only been a way to keep my figure, but also what has kept my mood stable, my energy even, my sleep quality good, and boosted my esteem by making me feel able-bodied. The exhaustion PP of breastfeeding and trying to prepare to move my family left me little energy to do anything but nap when free time presented itself. I tried to start exercising at 8 weeks, but then found myself getting so frustrated when my "plans" couldn't work. I couldn't believe how much planning it took just for me to get to the gym for an hour and then often I would come home to a frustrated husband and a screaming baby and wonder if I should ever have left. Now that we are on the other side of the move, again I am trying to start slowly. Thankfully we have a YMCA with childcare nearby. But how mothers with little one's and no help do it, I don't know. I have about 10 more pounds to go, but my body will look nothing like it did when I get there, nor will I have half the strength and athletic endurance. As for other things bouncing back, like my sex drive, or even my intellectual side, well that is not really here either. I feel very utilitarian at this point, but also wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, and would and hopefully will go through all this again.

As far as the media is concerned, I must also add that I wish they would leave celebs who don't bounce back a break. I may be a cheeseball, but I wish everyone would just leave jessica simpson alone. I can't imagine going through all of this with a camera up my *&$ all the time.

[amanda]

Hey Lauren, what do you make of the JSimp media storm around this issue? I appreciate that she is giving voice to the point that not everyone is back in skinny jeans in a week, but she was also a walking advertisement for what NOT to do during pregnancy IMHO (i.e. treating your body like a garbage disposal). Ultimately, I think she is being irresponsible about the whole thing, as well as her celebrity position. Not to mention, her skewed story keeps takes attention away from dialoging about the really issues, such as how to stay healthy before, during and after pregnancy and being honest about realistic experiences throughout the process.