SAYEH'S LIVING LITHE! 4 Dec 2013
Guys, I'm back to post-wedding real life and I love it. No more delicate threading of twine through place cards and agonizing over what nail polish color I'm going to wear. No. I'm back to doing the things that are really important. Decoding the recently revealed Kardashian Christmas card, for example. Are they in the Illuminati or aren't they?? Did baby Mason keel over from the fumes he's inhaled in that time machine/spaceship parked in the back of a weird movie theater/trash alley they're all in? Am I the only one that keeps confusing Kim for Beyonce now that her hair is blond? Is this a Jay-Z masterminded plot to bring about the New World Order? Where does baby North fit in? Will she dethrone Suri as the reigning pre-pubescent queen of fashion? Will she grow up to have a giant butt? I bite my nails in anticipation!
But all of this readjusting has meant that I'm not back in the studio yet (cracking codes is VERY time consuming). Ever week since we've come back from the honeymoon, I've said: On Monday, I start again. On Monday, I go back. And then Monday comes and it's cold outside and it's dark. And I just want to go home and crawl under a blanket. Plus, I feel like my house is a disaster and neglected since all the wedding mania, and instead of working out, I need to come home and start organizing drawers that are out of hand and do laundry that is piling up and perhaps cook something decently healthy. But instead, I come home...do something with only a slight hint of productivity to it, and then zone out on the couch in front of the tube.
In short, I can't motivate! I was going so steadily before the wedding, obviously with a pretty good motivator, but this happens to me once in a while. I will Lithe 4-6 times a week consistently for MONTHS and MONTHS. And then I just fall off. Usually because I've gone on a trip, or I've missed a few days due to work or some or other diversion, and then it's all down hill until I rally back up again with renewed gusto weeks later. This time, part of me is ok with it because I really feel like I need a break. There was so much stress pre-wedding, that I feel like I'm still recovering. Like there's no room in my brain to coordinate all the things I need to do, so I do nothing.
But the problem is that I don't compensate for that break by eating more cleanly or making other good choices. No. If one thing goes out the window, I chuck everything out along with it. I am eating everything in sight. With no rhyme or reason. I'm not even hungry half the time. It doesn't even taste good. I'm walking around just shoveling things into my gourd. And I can't make it stop. And today...today my underwear is tight (This is my chubby gage. Tight underwear). Straight up. Just one month of living la vida loca, and I've gone from being in the best shape of my life to having tight undies. I texted Lauren to complain and get some advice, and she responded by saying: Oh yeah. You have a case of the Love Bloat. Happens to everyone during the first 3-6 months of marriage. To which I dumbly responded: Wait. Is that a thing? I AM bloated!
The Loooooooooooooove Bloat! I've been diagnosed folks. I have a case of the post-marriage do-nothings which apparently almost always leaves you a little more plush than you'd like. Is it so wrong that I just want to sit on the couch in my flannel pajamas pants that I love so much, while eating take out from a container that is definitely contaminating my food with weird chemicals, while yelling at MJ and Reza for turning into big bullies on Shahs of Sunset. Is it too much to ask to do all of this and not slowly expand in the process?? Come onnnnnn! Cut me some slaaaaaaaaack, laws of physics!
Honestly, I'm also scared of the sore. Scared. Of the sore. I won't be able to walk once I return, and I'm putting that off too. Arghhh. And then you know there was Thanksgiving and then there's all these Christmas parties. Wahhhhh! I need help getting back on the wagon. For now, I'm scheduled for class tonight. But my pajama pants are already calling my name.
I really need to see you in class!