SAYEH'S LIVING LITHE! 8 Jan 2014
Oh hey, guys. Happy new year! What have I been up to? Oh you know the usual new year stuff. Cleaning things. Getting back to the grind at work. EATING LIKE I'M GOING TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR! In fact, as I type this, I'm dipping completely nutrionally worthless white corn chips into a big vat of guacamole. Oh, guacamole is good for me you say? It's the GOOD fat? Well my guacamole is BROWN. It has weird strings in it, and definitely doesn't taste good anymore. Stop eating it then, you say?
I CAN'T! It's here. So I'm putting it in my face.
I can't stop eating PERIOD! For weeks, I have had an insatiable appetite. WEEKS! Last night I heated up one half of a large left over pepperoni and mushroom pizza from Lazaros (the sweet sauce is so good when it touches your lips) and made ground beef nachos. Why both you ask? I DON'T KNOW! Stop asking me really hard questions! It was the college championship football game and I realllly felt like having nachos. Then I saw the pizza in the fridge and was like...I rrrrrreally want pizza. So I mean...yeah. That's basically the story.
The other thing is...I'm eating when I'm not even hungry. I encounter a box of donuts at work. They straight up DON'T look good. Like they actually look BAD. The glaze is all sad and they're all deflated and sideways, like a box of weird cartoon eyes all squinting up at me real funny. And I KNOW they are going to be NWTC (not worth the calories) but I reach for one anyway. But, I obviously don't just pick up the whole donut and eat it. Oh no. I just want a PIECE. You know, just a little baby piece. So I pick up the sticky platic knife tossed in the box and begin to saw at this donut. And I have to put some serious elbow grease into this thing--further proving that this donut is going to be dry and gross and totally NWTE (not worth the effort). But, now I've made a little bit of a perforation in its rhino-skin glazed exterior, so I attempt to pull it apart with just the one hand since I'm carrying a cell phone and keys and my notepad and a pen in my other hand. And after 15 seconds of flopping the donut around and shaking it vigorously, I have not made any progress. So do I give up?? Nahhhhhh. I actually SET DOWN the piles of things in my other hand to forcefully tear my piece of donut off the rest of the donut--effectively making it impossible for anyone else to eat the leftover section since I've thoroughly manhandled it. And now I've actually worked harder on this sliver of donut than I have on anything else in my entire life. My hands are all sticky, and I can't pick up my things, so I stuff the donut in my mouth, inhale glaze flecks, cough little glaze spitlets all over my papers, and stagger around the room gasping for air like a zombie as I choke and reach outwards towards terrified colleagues as I attack them in search of a napkin.
I repeat this two more times that day until I actually finish the entire donut. (But it feels so much less terrible in pieces!)
They say that you should eat slowly because it takes 20 minutes for your mind to catch up to your stomach and realize it's full. But what if your mind just doesn't give a FUUUUUU**?? What if you eat for 20 minutes and your mind's all like: You're full. You're REALLY full. In fact, your stomach hurts it's so full. In fact, it's bloating and extending past your waistband. And I know you are already having that terrible, I ate too much feeling. BUT as the Little Mermaid once said: WHO CARES! NO BIG DEAAAAAAL! I WANT MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
How can I make it stop?? MAKE IT STOP!! I know all the rules. I know that crappy eating begets more crappy eating. That I'm not getting what I need from the foods I eat, so I keep wanting to eat more food. I know when to eat and how I'm supposed to eat...but I just cahn't dew it, captain. I dohn't have the powerrrrrrrrr! I know Rachel says willpower actually runs on glucose, but like, I've been eating all these cookies and nothing's happening! Self control?? Don't make me laugh, Sandy. Heh heh heh.
I clearly need to reboot. Maybe a Lithe detox? Or some kind of kale bender? Any advice to turn a girl on the edge back into a girl on the vedge?
Til then, see you in class (...and that's a whole 'nother story!)