Until very recently, I have been in a negative energy haze of craze.
Reason 1: The Internet
Usually, I feel the internet is a wonderful place. I think back to when I was in high school and wonder how on earth I functioned without it. How did I ever find my way around? How did I discover new places to eat and if they were supposed to be any good? How did I find the answers to questions like: How tall is Fredrick Ecklund from Million Dollar Listing? What did I do when I wasn't spending hours watching Ryan Gosling refuse to eat his cereal?
But despite all of its amazing usefulness, the internet can also be an AWFUL place. It's where people, protected by their anonymity, can be just plain MEAN. It's the newest iteration of road rage. The information super highway is a place where people can speed by a blog and flip their verbal bird at anyone and everyone without consequences. Kitchen and food blogs are particularly awful about this. For example, recently, while on one of my favorite sites that features recipes, reviews of different kitchen equipment, and tours of unique kitchens around the country etc., I searched the term 'food mill.' (I'm currently registering for my upcoming wedding, and was using the site help me research a few things I might want to include.) My girl Ina Garten swears it is her essential tool for making amazing mashed potatoes, so I thought hmmm I wonder what else it's good for?
Did I find that? Oh no. I found hate. How daaaaaaare you want a food mill?? Food mills are for Food-Network-watching IDIOTS! USE YOUR HEAD...they take up all the space in a drawer! Get over yourself for wanting a food mill! Who do you think you are? Julia Child? No food mills for the likes of YOU, you pathetic wannabe chef that only wants to milk your poor guests--who are already spending a fortune to attend your wedding--for something you don't need and will never use. You are going straight to hell! You can't peel the skins off your boiled tomatoes yourself? You need a food mill to make sauce! You are a disappointment to the human race! Carrot Top would look down on you.
This sent me into a self-judging shame spiral. What was I thinking? Will our friends and relatives think all of these things of me if I put this food mill on my registry? Will they hate me for even having a registry?? (Some blogs vehemently say guests feel frustrated without a registry and other blogs judgingly say it's SO wrong to tell people what to buy you.) So much judgment! Why are people so mad and opinionated on things like this on the internet? Why not say--hey, I got a food mill because I thought it would be great and useful, but turns out I never use it because it's heavy and clunky and it takes up too much room. I wouldn't recommend it. Have a lovely day, you beautiful, conscientious researcher of kitchen appliances! I mean, would that be so hard?
Reason 2: The Weather
It's May. I don't want to wear a sweater anymore. That's all.
Reason 3: I've been Phillied
Lately everywhere I walk in the streets, someone is doing something borderline nuts! A man yelled a line at me that was a more profane version of: You are a handsome woman and I'd like to be responsible for the growth of a fetus in your uterus. A homeless man yelled at a woman walking near me for only dropping a quarter in his cup. Something about being cheap was a word I deciphered between obscenities. Other people are just sucking down cigarettes while walking extremely slowly and juggling a cup of coffee and texting on their cell phones between drags. So not only are they weaving from side to side so I can't get around them, but they are causing me to hack and cough AND be late. I've almost been run over several times by drivers who do not care that my light is green and they have to wait to turn until pedestrians clear the way. It's just too much! I learned later from a friend that what I've experience is called being Phillied--when sometimes the city just kicks your ass. and chews you up and spits you out.
Reason 4: I've been on an unintentional Lithe hiatus
I was sick. Then I was out of town. Then I just couldn't get my act together because I was all discombobulated. So naturally I was eating like I was going to the electric chair, and as a result I can feel my rolls as I sit here, and have unbuttoned the top button to my pants because naturally 2 weeks of not working out (and eating fried foods nonstop) negate my weeks and weeks of hard work and I just want to punch everyone in the face!!
Is that SO wrong??
Yes. According to several laws, I believe it is. Unfortunately.
So, this is where I was last Friday. I trudged in the door after being totally Phillied, having had a terrible day at work, having attempted to treat and relax myself to a pedicure which came completely off when I removed the plastic they had wrapped around my freshly dried toes to protect them from my shoes and just crumpled. I AM IN A HORRIBLE MOOD, I announce to my fiance. I hate EVERYONE. I hate this weather. I hate this city. I hate the smell of horse poo. I hate people that blow smoke in my face. I hate that man that wants to father my children. I hate EVERYTHING.
He calmly handed me a beer, told me to take deep breaths and reminded me that we had dinner plans with another couple that evening that would make me feel better. I begrudgingly accompanied him to what would turn out to be my surprise birthday party. A giant group of all my favorite people convened by my wonderful fiance and all in one room...for me. My brain couldn't compute, and when it did, I felt pretty silly for being SUCH A HATER. NO better than the mean internet bullies on foodie websites. The party was a much needed reminder that my problems are first world problems that could be way worse, and to get over myself and put a food mill on my registry if I want to and who cares what other haters think and to GO TO CLASS.
And I did! And I feel incredibly better. (Is there a connection between being irritable and not working out, ya think?) So, if you've been feeling like I have, grab a few of your closest girlfriends, go to class or take a good, brisk walk by the river, get those endorphins going, gossip and then get some drinks. Sit somewhere in a patch of sun and drink margaritas and eat some guacamole. Nothing resets us like time with people we love. No time? Maybe write down 10 things or friends you're grateful for...right now. It will help I promise. It's my new plan too.
More gratitude. Less attitude. Now if I can only make that go viral.
See you in class and here's hoping you don't get Phillied on the way!