Right now I'm carrying, wearing, drinking and listening to: Baggu's Sailor Stripe Duck Bag holds everything, I don't leave the house without Issa Dixon's Hollow & Ridge Balance and Calm blends, So Delicious Coconut Milk Barista Style Creamer in my morning coffee, Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams Get Lucky is on repeat and Ancient Greek Lito rose gold sandals look great on tanned feet.
Images via brand websites and LBG
I have always fancied myself as someone who doesn't care about what other people think. I don't mind making a fool of myself at karaoke (Madonna's "Borderline" is my go-to). I'll strike up conversations with strangers, even if I can tell they think I'm a crazy person. And I don't mind laughing loudly in a restaurant, even though some people seem to hate that for some reason.
The people I admire most in my life--like my sister and best friends--are people who really don't care what other people think. Actually, the more accurate description would be that they are fearless. They say what's on their minds, even if many people are likely to disagree. Some of them wear daring (fashionable) clothes, not worrying that they will stand out in a crowd or that people may scoff at them as a result. They don't let others cut in front of them in line in the grocery store, and they stand up for themselves and the people they love.
And while I'd like to lump myself in the same category as these women--and to some extent I do share some of these qualities--I'm starting to realize I'm not as bad-ass as they are or even as much as I like to think I am.
In fact, I DO care what people think. More than I would like to admit. And my wedding planning is bringing that into striking relief for me. In fact, it's made me realize that I am petrified of people talking sh*t about me.
Plain and simple.
Recently, a woman I know went to a wedding shower. She came back from the wedding shower with some stories. How stupid the games were. How many over-the-top, expensive gifts the bride had requested on her registry. How much she spent. How much others spent. She told me how she ribbed a friend, also in attendance, to commiserate with her on the ridiculousness, while the bride opened her presents. She even had a picture on her phone which she had texted to people not in attendance, which she showed to me to corroborate her stories.
I listened intently and found myself gripped in fear. Oh God, I thought. This is what people are going to say about ME. My worst nightmare is that someone will be attending something in "celebration" of my life choices--feeling obligated and bored and even a little used. To imagine someone leaning over and whispering in dismay to a friend, while I'm doing whatever my bridesmaids have planned for me, makes me cringe. To think people's coworkers may laugh about me on Monday around the water cooler makes me want to call everything off!
And the thing is, this woman is not a bad person. And she's certainly not alone. I myself have certainly attended events--even weddings--and come home regaling my family about the dress (the good, bad and ugly), the food, the music. Who hasn't? Talking sh*t is fun, man. It makes for serious entertainment. I love acting things out, getting animated and hearing my friends say things like: STOP! NO! YOU'RE KIDDING! STOP! While I get to shake my head and say things like...I couldn't make this stuff up!
Talking sh*t is a way to bond with friends. How many times have you connected with someone in your mutual dislike of someone or something else? It makes you feel that you're the same as someone else, and that the person you're talking to is someone you trust and someone who you think is smart like you and recognizes the things you recognize. You feel good. They feel good. I would venture to say almost everyone does it. And I'm not talking about the horrifying, mean-spirited, mean-girls type of sh*t talking. I'm talking the kind that seems to always happen amongst a group of friends and is generally practiced and accepted. Like, You know how Suzy is, she would be late to her own funeral. Bless her heart (in the south this phrase excuses everything you say after it). One time she was late to my...and so on.
Thing is, I don't want anyone to do that to ME. I mean, is it too much to ask? Can I be the only person exempt from this practice? Please?
I think about walking down the aisle and wonder what will people think of my unusual dress. Will they hate it? Will I see someone make a face or lean over and whisper to a friend, in a not nice way, while I'm headed to the altar? Will it ruin the moment? Will people leave saying the wedding was beautiful, only to go home and rip it to shreds--with iPhone pictures to boot!
Oh the humanity!
The firestorm of sh*t talking ignited by registries alone has me in constant angst.
My fiance and I, while grown ups, have the housewares of college students. Our sheets are bleach-stained and holey. We drink out of his unruly collection of pint glasses with random beer logos on them. Our towels are mismatched and old. Our kitchen is dotted with a couple of serviceable pans (thanks to my wonderful friends) and a few plates my mom gave me before I moved to Philly. I've moved practically every year since I was 18, and amassing a collection of nice things has just never been a practical consideration. And my fiance? Well he's a true man, and until I moved in, was using a melted plastic spatula to make 1 of the 2 things he knows how to prepare on a cook-top.
So now, I have the opportunity to register for the things we desperately need for a more grown-up life, and I'm imagining the comments I've heard others make in recent years, echoing all around me. Comments about having a registry at all. Even though there are other comments of frustration, if you don't have one. Comments about prices. Comments about items that people will think I need or don't need. Comments about my taste (gasp!). I know I've certainly purchased things on registries before thinking: WOW. That is hideous. But, if you want it, you shall receive it.
The thing is, when I think of every person I love that will be in attendance at my celebrations, I can't imagine they won't be happy to be there or will go home and talk about me. I have wonderful friends. Incredibly supportive ones, who can't wait to buy me things and attend my showers and fly to be by my side, as I have for them. So why am I so paranoid? It is the outliers? The people I don't know so well that will be there? The general hate and chatter about expense and excess that often accompanies weddings? My own sh*t talking? The woman that went to the shower? All of the above?
Probably.
But mostly, I think it all comes down to judgment. The comments, the sh*t talking...isn't it all ultimately judgment in some way? That's what I think I'm really scared of. That I will be labeled frivolous or wasteful or even worse...inconsiderate. Not that someone will not like my taste in dishes or in dress (sniff), but that someone will surmise something about me in the process. I've worked hard to reconcile my identity...not just to others, but to myself. Will my expensive food processor make them think differently of me and blow that all to smithereens?
So much for not caring what people think right?
I don't know the answers to my quandary, or if/when these fears and insecurities will dissipate. Or what my reaction to this process says about me, about all of us, and our strong opinions about things like weddings, which make us so judgmental. All I know is I keep returning to 2 words. Be. Gentle. A reminder to myself that when I go to weddings and parties and...whatever. That likely, someone has worked really hard and put a lot of time and energy into including me in their life--no matter how over the top or underwhelming it all seems to me. That I should do and spend only what feels right for me, without the resentment or guilt that often comes with not meeting what I perceive someone else's expectations of me to be.
And I can only hope that I'm equally gentle on myself and that others will return the favor when my time rolls around.
See you in class.
Rachel's tips on how you can boost your self-esteem and positive thinking in the studio:
Fake it ‘till you make it
Just keep moving! If you are totally lost in a CCS series, try to approximate the choreography as best you can. For example, lose the feet and just do the series using your arms or vice versa, keep your arms by your side (activate them by engaging the lats to slide the shoulders down and reach for the floor with your finger tips) and work on perfecting the moves with your lower half.
Back to Basics
If all else fails, do what you know, and what you do well. If you can’t get the CCS down, revert back to the fundamental moves in our cardio practice (think: Cheer Preps, jacks, jogging in place, marching, etc). The same can be said for the barre (think: Lunges, Sumos, Curtseys). This approach will help you maintain confidence and push yourself.
Ignore the Competition
When setting up for your sweat session, plop your gloves and props down near a mat in the front of the room. This will help you focus on YOU instead of others in the room in your line of sight.
Chat Up your Instructors!
Grab us pre-class and let your instructor know that you are nervous/ don’t know what to expect etc. I love it when Lithers do this and I always make it a point to cozy up next to them at the barre for a few reps to help with form and timing. Remember-- what you perceive as a weakness is actually strength- asking for help when you need it is hard but that is how you learn and grow which will improve your practice—be it here at Lithe or beyond!
Image of Lithe Instructors via Dom
This new column, Lithe Psych is written by Doctor of Psychology (and Lithe Instructor!), Rachel Dore. Each month, Rachel will define a clinical psych topic that is relevant to Fit Hip Healthy readers, and she'll also provide some tips that are related to achieving the overarching message of her piece. Her first post is about one of my favorite topics: Self-Esteem & Exercise!
Did you know that incorporating exercise into your life has been clinically shown to boost self-esteem?! People with higher levels of self-esteem are typically more emotionally stable and resilient to stress. Interestingly, they also set their sights higher in terms of goals and projects that they pursue and will demonstrate an admirable degree of persistence in achieving them. Lastly, self-esteem can even serve as a buffer against anxiety. Yes Please.
Exercise can promote positive changes in physical self-perceptions, which can manifest as an increase in global levels of self-esteem. Regardless of age, incorporating exercise into your activities of daily living is essential. I recently read a study published in Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport: researchers implemented an exercise program with college students, which resulted in improvement in cognitive facets of self-esteem such as self- competence. Their certainty in how accurate they were in their self-perception also increased. Most fascinating, these participants felt they were closer to their ideal version of themselves. Again… Yes Please.
Perhaps as we age, we should put more emphasis on exercise as part of one’s health regimen. The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) points to physical activity as an important factor in combating many un-loved secondary effects of menopause (such as weight gain and drastic fluctuations in mood).
A recently published study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine examined self-esteem in older adults as a function of exercise. Specifically, they compared a group assigned to a walking-only exercise regime against a group whose exercise program focused on flexibility, muscle toning, and balance. This latter group demonstrated higher rates of improvement re: perceived strength and body attractiveness! These factors load onto physical self-worth, which directly influences self-esteem.
That said, Lithe can be a really intimidating work out. You will also notice an influx of sexy (and sculpting!) CCS series in class (especially mine!), which can definitely throw people for a loop. Just when you think you have mastered a class, the schedule changes for a new month and you are once again starting from scratch (or so it may feel).
It’s important to nurture your self-esteem in the studio just as you should in other domains of your life. Every time you hit the mat, make a note of something awesome that you did. Similarly, you should challenge yourself to do this at work, home, school… wherever your life endeavors take you.
Before you take a class, I recommend having a 2-minute check-in with yourself. Remind yourself of WHY you came to class today and try to make that reason as concrete as possible. Think about the really good thing you are about to do for your mind and body by exercising for an hour. Make it your goal to do as much of the class as possible instead of stopping completely (need a break? Opt for calf-pumps over stopping completely and collapsing onto the barre!). You will feel much better about your performance (and get more out of the class) if you stay active and can say that you tried your best.
After class, regardless of how you think you did, praise yourself for your hard work. Be kind to yourself and focus on what you could do as opposed to couldn’t do. Admire the sweat marks on your work-out gear and pay attention to what your post-workout “high” feels like. The goal is to create a positive exercise experience for yourself so that you are more likely to do it again!
Image of Lithe Instructor Rachel Dore in Stems via Dom
I love cold, summer soups. I've been making this one for years and was planning to save the recipe for Lithe's book, but I think it's time to share it! It's delicious, super-filling and keeps you energized post-Lithe. Whether I'm prepping for a photo-shoot, need energy, or just want to re-set my eating/cooking habits, I make this soup part of my everyday diet. Make this on Sunday and it will last you until Wednesday.
Ingredients:
Directions:
Place all ingredients in a high speed blender or Vitamix and blend until smooth. Add a bit more water if it's too thick for your liking. Don't have superfood powder? Make it without them!
Images via Lauren
This is a Lithe Main Line favorite! A few particular Main Line Lithers have been traveling to Lithe Old City to hunt down our Mojito so they can satisfy their craving for this particular cocktail on the weekends!
Ingredients:
Directions:
Mix 2 ounces Cucumber Vodka and 2-4 ounces of Lithe Mojito in a coctail shaker. Pour over ice, top with 2 ounces of club soda and garnish with a few cucumber wheels.
Recently, I shared my struggles with finding quick and healthy recipes that come from a magic pantry that makes cooking at home effortless and fun, and you guys shared some great tips to help me out. Planning ahead and using Sundays to their full potential, among them. So I figured it's only fair that I share one of my favorite, healthy and delicious recipes with you, if you're on the hunt like I always am.
Honey Boo Boo's family's got sketti, but if a pound of margarine topped with warm ketchup isn't quite your speed, you can try your hand at my family's macaroni (pronounced mukurrroni). It's spaghetti done Persian style (don't ask why it's called macaroni when there are no macaroni noodles in sight in this recipe). This dish is relatively painless and very delicious, but is definitely different than the spaghetti you grew up eating, unless you're Iranian, in which case high five! If you have an open mind and an adventurous palette, you won't be disappointed. Hint, it includes turmeric, whose benefits have been showcased here on the blog, plus lime and greek style yogurt! Intrigued? Grossed out? Read on!
Persian Spaghetti (Macaroni)
Ingredients
2 tablespoons of olive oil
1 med sized onion; diced small
2 cloves minced or crushed garlic (add more if you like a lot of garlic)
1 lb or 1.5lb ground turkey (depending on how many people you want to feed) (you can use ground chicken or beef if you like)
1 tablespoon of turmeric
1 28oz can of crushed tomatoes (you can also use your favorite pre-made sauce; they just have way more sugar and preservatives, but can be great in a pinch)
14-16 oz of whole wheat spaghetti (regular spaghetti is the really delicious, decadent version)
2-3 yukon gold potatoes (any potato will work here) peeled and sliced to about 1/2 inch thick
1-2 limes (at our house, each person gets their own lime--but I'll keep it civil for blog purposes)
Directions:
Bring a large, heavy bottomed pot of water to boil for your spaghetti noodles.
While you're waiting...
Heat up 1 tablespoon of olive oil on med-high heat. When it starts to simmer slightly, add the onions and sautee until translucent. Add the garlic at this stage to avoid burning and toss around for 1 minute with the onions.
Add your ground turkey or meat here, constantly breaking up the meat with the end of your wooden spoon to eliminate any clumps.
When the meat is still slightly pink, add a generous sprinkling of salt, a few grinds of good black pepper and all the turmeric (evenly dusting over all the meat). Continue to stir until all the turmeric is incorporated and is fragrant. 1-2 minutes. It will give your meat a beautiful golden color.
If your water is boiling at this point, generously salt the water and add your noodles. Cook until they are VERY al dente (you are going to cook them again in a few steps and you don't want them to get mushy.)
Back to your meat (that's what she said)...
Add your can of tomato puree or preferred jarred tomato sauce. Turn the heat to medium low and let the meat sauce simmer with lid on until noodles are ready. (I often add another generous sprinkling of salt and pepper to the meat at this point (you could do a few red pepper flakes) but this is all optional if you're watching your salt intake.)
Now comes the interesting part...
Once your noodles are ready, drain, rinse and set aside in the colander. Rinse out the pot in which you boiled the noodles (to get rid of any of the flaky white salt-foam residue along the sides). In the bottom of the now rinsed and empty pot, add the remaining table spoon of olive oil plus a quarter cup of water. Swish around to make sure the oil and water (they won't really mix, duh) cover the whole bottom of the pot. You can add a splash more of water if need be. Then place your sliced potatoes in a single layer at the bottom of the pot.
Then add a layer of your cooked noodles topped with a layer of your meat sauces. Top that with another layer of noodles and top that with another layer of meat sauce. (Kind of like lasagna). Repeat until you've used all of your sauce and noodles. (The top layer should be meat sauce, not noodles.)
Place the pot back on the burner and turn the heat down to low. Place two paper towels between the pot and its lid to make sure no steam escapes. This will cook your meat and noodles together--imparting the flavor of the meat into the noodles themselves instead of just using them as a vehicle for the sauce.)
After about ten minutes (check a noodle to make sure it's to your desired done-ness. Wait longer if still too al dente for your taste.)
Turn off the heat and heap onto plates.
Now, for more interesting stuff...
This is where the lime and yogurt come in. We do a generous squeeze of lime onto our noodles with a sprinkle of salt. Add a dollop of cool, plain greek yogurt on the side. Every time you go to spin your noodles around your fork make sure they spin into your yogurt a bit.
And voila! You have a limey, creamy, tumeric-y Persian style spaghetti.
And the potatoes on the bottom? They have protected your pasta from burning while it's steaming up, and they have become golden, crisp and delicious in the process. These are the bits that everyone in my house always fights over. Top them with a little greek yogurt and a sprinkle of salt? YUMMM!
Leave a comment if you think you may try to make this! And don't worry, my feelings won't be hurt if this sounds terrible to you! I can see why, but I have to tell you...I've never had a single American friend not fall in love with it. Now, Persian yogurt soda? That's a different story. They all gag after one sip (even though I LOVE it), so I'll spare you the recipe for that one.
Happy cooking and see you in class!
Image of Sayeh wearing Lithe via Dom and Sayeh's Persian Spaghetti via Sayeh
Jordan, Mars and I recently spend some time with friends in Lancaster, PA. While we were there we visited the Lancaster Central Market. It's the oldest farmers market in the country (and it's the longest running in the nation!). It was pretty incredible and very worth the trip there. If you're heading that way, you should know that it's strawberry season. Their local strawberries are pretty amazing and not at all like the frankenberries you see in the supermarkets. We have some great local markets here in Philly. What's your favorite?
Images via Lauren and Jordan
Trade in your usual vinaigrette for this flavorful honey mustard! It's delish and so easy to prepare. I love how the Vegenaise gives the dressing that rich, mayo flavor; Jordan and Mars love it, too. It's great over chopped red Boston lettuce, broccoli, mushroom, avocado, tomato, cucumber (or any veggies that I may have in my fridge). Add chicken, tofu or shrimp and make it a meal!
Ingredients:
1/4 cup Vegenaise
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon raw honey
1/2 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon Juice
Directions:
In a small bowl or your blender, blend together the ingredients and store covered in the refrigerator.
Image via Lauren
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